2022 Olympics Preview: Team North America declares sovereignty, competes internationally for Olympic gold

What started as a fun exercise to open things up at the 2016 World Cup of Hockey has since grown into... another fun exercise, this one wholly untethered to reality, as we keep with the 2022 Olympics roster preview series started by colleague JFresh, and unveil a Team North America roster for next year's games.

Like Jfresh, I'll be using Corey Sznajder's manually tracked microdata, along with Patrick Bacon's WAR (Wins Above Replacement) model, as represented by the percentage marks on each player card, to inform my decisions.

Humour me for a moment, please.

North America has declared sovereignty, breaking from under the yoke of Canadian and American imperialism to establish a worker's republic in their own image. Only those 23-years-old or younger are permitted citizenship, and they will not apologize for the terror; the terror, in this case, is a never-ending stream of Tik-Tok videos or whatever pumped into the homes of counterrevolutionaries. 

Finn Wolfhard, famous for his role in Stranger Things as Mike Wheeler, is the nation's head of state, and he's filled out his cabinet with the series' remaining protagonists. They've set up shop in what they are calling the Minnesota Autonomous Zone, a region handpicked for its American geographical footprint with Canadian cultural affects -- The State of Hockey, a distinctly friendly tone to their voice, lakes, and so on.

In a daring move, Wolfhard has led his nation into the 2022 Olympics in Beijing in a stunning move to generate much-needed legitimacy for his administration. I'm going to play the same part Sepp Haidacher did for the 1988 Jamaican Olympic bobsled team, and assume the duties of general manager and coach.

Let's hope that the upstart nation of Team North America enjoys better fortunes in their debut at the Olympic games.